9-Year-Olds Divided after Collapse; Civil War Imminent

Featured Image from TheAsherShow

Every since the great collapse of The Phrase of Which We Do Not Speak, The 9 Year olds have been desperate to find a new meme to call home. Amidst all the confusion and chaos, sprung a new group of rebels calling themselves The 9 Year Old Family. The controversial rebellion has gained a lot of momentum, which frightens The 9 Year Old Army.

The Family arose following PewDiePie’s call to end the “War”, and some 9-Year-Olds decided it would be appropriate to remove the word “Army” from their denomination. However, this move was controversial because the phrase “Army” throughout PewDiePie history has never referred to the Great War of T-Ejem. PewDiePie has been calling his fans “Bro Army” since 2009, and the Loyalists fear the newcomers could be making a grave misinterpretation that could cost them the prestigious title.

Others believe it is simply time for a change. After all, change is a big theme on the channel given the age and development all of us have witnessed.

After the great American Revolutionary war came the American Civil War, and we are about to witness a parallel of unprecedented gravity. This could, chillingly, be an even deadlier war than the war of T-Cereal. The fans have never been more divided. Some may pass this off as another meme, but the truth is it is anything but that. This is the most serious political issue facing the 9-Year-Olds in our day.

It is important to choose a side, there is no middle ground. The bloodthirsty fans must be sated by war – and there is nobody left to fight except each other. The army doesn’t hate the family, nor vice-versa, but within minutes the two sides were already clearly separated.

All jokes aside, this war is just for fun. Please, do not hate anybody for calling themselves either a member of the Family or a member of the Army. Remember, deep down we are all 9-Year-Olds. We are all Sister-fisters. We are all bros.

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44 thoughts on “9-Year-Olds Divided after Collapse; Civil War Imminent

  1. Yeah we shouldn’t hurt each other because of these little changes. And do you know why? Because we are a big family. A 9 YEAR OLD FAMILY!

    1. This is rather inappropriate language for children of nine years old. Do you guys really think PewDiePie is a good influence role model? Compare the age different kids, I don’t think this is appropriate for children. Being exposed to things earlier than the appropriate change affects your cognitive, social, and emotional behaviors and it changes the development of your skills in all three domains.

  2. 9-year old army and family: we’re all friends here!
    Narrator: we weren’t all friends here

  3. all we need to stop this civil war is to just have pewds decide. loyal to a specific name or not, you can’t call yourself a 9-year old if you don’t listen to the leader.

  4. I am kinda in the middle I stared watching pewdiepie ever since July of 2018 witch is not very long to most people but with pewdiepies growth idk if I’m concerted one of the “new” bros I like the term 9 year old army but I like the 9 year old family even more but I say we go back to the bro army B U T it’s my opinion

  5. If all the hosts are the “same” then how does Poppy Gloria have specific memories of all other hosts, huh? (wait a minute)

  6. I believe this is a civil war that shouldn’t be taken lightly, imperialist or not. but for me and my fellow 9-year-olds, we would rather not choose sides. I would rather stay in middle ground where it’s safer and so I’m not too biased and get the king mad.

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